A Night At The Ameoba Opera

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I’m so afraid of convenience

Never has an item so confounded me as much as the Apple Ipad. It is an amazing idea with “limitless” capabilities and it is adored by the tech world.  I work and live in the tech world and I despise it. I despise it so much that I purchased one today.  I came home and left it in the Target bag, in the box, on the stand next to my front door. There it sat as I searched for things aimlessly to distract me. I did the dishes, I changed shirts, I thought about buying an aquarium…the distractions were working…

As I imagined myself staring wondrously at my hypothetical undersea property, I was reminded of Anakin’s covert rendezvous with Emperor Palpatine in Episode 6: Revenge of the Sith. Inside the Ameoba Opera Anakin listened to the Emperor. He was curious about the Dark Side of the Force. It’s mysteriousness intrigued him for he surely thought it had elements that could be used for good. Properties it possessed that, if wielded properly, could be used to his advantage.

The alarm on my oven went off suddenly, officiating dinnertime. I still had food to eat and an episode of Community to view keeping me from the inevitable.

“Why was I so nervous?” I asked myself.

And then I realized it was pride. Pride was poisoning my mind and keeping me from enjoying a tool of modernity.

“NO!” I shouted inside my brain. “It is a matter of principle! I know that it is an inferior device! I just want it for Garageband and not just to be cool!”

In a fit of rage, I went directly to the Target bag, reached in and removed the Ipad 2 and set it down. Then I turned back to bag, reached back in and searched around violently until I found that damn receipt! I removed it and stared at in so intensely I thought it would catch fire…panting heavily I sat down on my couch and said to myself;

“I have 30 days to return it.” I then opened the box.

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About chrysanthemummy

My apprehension and skepticism are a defense mechanism I have learned to embrace in order to navigate the absurdity of life. (this will be updated as soon as I think of an alternative way to describe myself). Oh! I like star wars...
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